Overcoming Fear

Last Saturday, I went to Cypress Mountain with friends to do snowboarding. This is my second winter in Canada but I never tried snowboarding or skiing because of one reason - I was scared. But my friend, Anni who loves snowboarding so much succeeded in convincing me to at least give it a try. And so I did.


Surprisingly, I actually enjoyed it. But it wasn't easy at all for me. The rest of the guys I was with learned so fast and it was their first time too. It took me more than 1 hour to just complete my first run, going down the bunny hill. Everyone was already going up and down for so many times while I was stuck with my first run. Two reasons - I was having a hard time getting up and I got scared when I slide down so fast that I had to let my self fall to stop.


When I did my second run, I somehow improved and learned on how to balance and to slow down. But still, I fell so many times - in different positions. Haha! My whole body was hurting already that it took me a long time contemplating if I would do a third run. And oh, everyone has moved already to the next level that I was the only one left at the bunny hill. Hehehe... I wanted to do the third run to prove to myself that I can overcome my fear but I didn't want to at the same time because |I was scared that I might get injured since I was already hurting. That moment was Stifany vs. myself.  Well, I'm glad that I did the third run. I was just praying that God would keep me safe. I felt that I had to do the third run or else I would keep thinking of what ifs. I know three runs was not much as I should have done more. But as for me, I know that was enough. The reason I tried snowboarding in the first place was to prove to my self that I can conquer my fear. And, I believe I did a pretty good job on it. :)


If you would ask me if I'll do it again, maybe... :)


Just glad I went home in one piece..hehehe....

Duty or Delight? - Day 3 and 4

You might be wondering what's with the picture.  Most of you might not know that I have huge burn mark on my right leg. If you'll see in the picture, those darker brown areas are the marks. I had them when I was 2 or 3 years old I think (I can confirm that with Mama). Yes, I got burned at a very young age. It's somehow the reason why I seldom wear shorts or skirts or dresses. I just don't want to show my mark.  A short story about it? It was because of a very hot water. Our helper asked my sister Amity to transfer the water to the thermos while she's watching me. Well, she sat me on the table just beside the thermos. So when Amity was pouring the water, it spilled and the water went down to my right leg. The rest is history.       

            

Day 2 and 3 of my journey on Duty or Delight was about shame and fear.    My sins made me hide sometimes from God because I got ashamed of what I did. At the same time, I also fear for the outcome of my sins. I realized these reactions are nothing new. Adam and Eve hid behind the trees to cover up their nakedness. They got ashamed. But, God didn't want them to hide forever that's why He made them garment. I was once again reminded of what Jesus did for me in the cross. He became the covering of my sins so that when God looks at me, He will see the Lord Jesus. He will not see my brokenness and messy life. The enemy will always make us feel ashamed and fearful that's why it's very important that we will always look up unto our Savior.

Do you know what is amazing about God? And will forever amaze me? That He has chosen us despite the person that we were becoming. That's why there is no reason for us to feel obligated , to feel insecure, to feel ashamed and to be fearful.  Because no matter what, He has already chosen us.  That will not change anymore. 

I was deeply moved by God tonight that I just jumped off from my bed and made Him a card. I want to share what I wrote to Him. 

The reason why I showed my burn mark is because I don`t want to hide it anymore. I`m not ashamed of it anymore. It`s a reminder of how I had fought that pain and endured it. Starting today, I`m not allowing my failures, my shortcomings, my pains and brokenness in the past hinder me in coming to God.  I was handpicked by God already before anything else. I just want to move forward with a heart that is not in a duty for God, but a heart that delights in Him.

I encourage you to delight in the Lord too.

1 Peter 2:9

But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests,a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.